Help, I’m slippin’ into the Twilight Zone. This place is a Madhouse…

Slipping into the Twilight zone.

Help, I’m slippin’ into the Twilight Zone.
Place is a madhouse, feels like I’m being cloned.
My beacon’s been moved under moon and star,
Where am I to go now that I’ve gone too far?

Twilight Zone – Golden Earring

Help, I’m slippin’ into the Twilight Zone.

This song has a lot of meaning to me because it accurately describes how I’ve felt all these years. Even more so now that I have been diagnosed with a mental illness. In the first few weeks after my diagnosis, I felt overwhelmed. And my only thoughts were about the stigma. I thought I was crazy, and I found myself ashamed. I refused to tell anyone outside of my family, even wishing they did not know. But the more I talk about and research my illness, the more I find peace.

Answered Questions

Knowing I suffer from a mental illness answers a ton of questions I have asked myself since I was a child. I’ve always felt different, like I didn’t belong. I had few friends, mostly because I was afraid of people. I always wondered if people saw me the way I saw myself. While that may have been true in some cases, now I realize just how hard I was on myself. A lot of my behavior was not even my fault. I was suffering. I was sick. And like most chronic illness, mine was invisible. Only my sickness was of the mind, not the body. Unlike someone with multiple sclerosis, there were few physical signs of my illness.

Now that I know what was “wrong with me” all these years, I can finally get treatment. I take an antipsychotic and two antidepressants every day. And for the first time in my life, I am starting to feel what I would call normal. With the help of my medications and therapy, I am finding hope that I can lead a functional, productive life like I always wanted. And I also hope to one day be able to help someone in my position. Someone who does not know what is wrong with them, and feels they have no one and nowhere to go. Someone who is desperate for help, and has always felt the way I did before now.

Hack the system. Hack the Planet.
IamThePatRatt –  The Bipolar Hacker.

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