I am not my dependancies

Tougher than the tough guys: Battling Addiction

TV Tough Guy

While watching TV I see this commercial for the anti-smoking prescription, Chantix. The spokesman is Ray Liota, who plays the tough guy in various movies. He begins talking about his struggle with smoking, and how he was never tough enough to quit on his own. He goes on to say how Chantix helped him finally quit, and it got me thinking about my own struggle with smoking. About how I actually did quit on my own. And I also began thinking about other struggles I had with addiction and dependancy.

Smoking is not the only addiction I have faced. I have had other addictions and dependancies in my life. And every single one of them I overcame without the help of anything or anyone. Six years ago I quit smoking tobacco. But I didn’t have any help. I quit cold turkey without the patch or any pill. Now even the very smell of smoke is offensive to me.

I am not my dependancies

I smoked for nearly twenty years. During that time I also abused alcohol, marijuana, and prescription pills. In my twenties and early thirties I was a partier, going out nearly every night to drink and get high. Not caring if I had to work, I went out 4 to 5 times a week. I went to the bar indiscriminately and stayed there until closing. I partied so much that I eventually stopped suffering hangovers. But in order to function normally, I had to take a little something while at work to keep me going.

I would pop pills during the day to get me through the work day. After work I would get drunk and stoned. It was not a constant, there were periods where I slowed down. But for the most part I would party nearly every day if I could. It wasn’t until I spent the weekend in jail for a DUI that I quit drinking. That was 12 years ago.

In addition to my substance abuse problems, I was also a gambling addict. If I was not at the bar, I was at the casino. It nearly cost me everything on several occasions. I would sometimes gamble away my entire paycheck in one night. This went on for more than ten years. My addiction to gambling was so severe that I almost ended up living on the streets. I quit gambling 4 years ago.

Tougher than the tough guys

I have struggled my entire life with dependency and self esteem. In my own opinion I considered myself to be weak, pathetic and a loser. But now I am starting to realize the truth. Not only am I not those things, I actually am stronger than most. I am tough, I am strong and I am not pathetic. I’ve actually overcome five different addictions or dependencies in my life. My strength may not be physical. It comes from my patience and will power. From my ability to endure and overcome.

Watching that tv commercial made me think about how tough I really am. At first I was joking about how I was tougher than this tough guy on TV, but then I realized how true it was. I realize now that I am tougher than the tough guys. All these years of thinking little to nothing of myself, wondering if others see me the way I saw myself was a lie. A lie I believed and told myself. I realize now that not only am I tougher than most, I have always been that way. How many people can say they quit 5 dependancies and addictions on their own? I only know of one.


Hack the Stigma. Hack the Planet.
IamThePatRatt –  The Bipolar Hacker.

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